Communal Narcissist
In the world of psychology, narcissism is often associated with self-centeredness and a lack of empathy. However, narcissistic traits can manifest in various ways, and one specific type is known as communal narcissism. While the traditional view of a narcissist involves someone seeking admiration and validation primarily for their achievements, a communal narcissist takes a different approach. Instead of focusing solely on individual glory, this type of narcissist seeks admiration and validation through the image of being selfless, kind, and caring toward others.
In this article, we will explore communal narcissism, how to identify the signs of a communal narcissist, and how to deal with it. We will also touch on the concept of luxury treatment when dealing with a communal narcissist and why it can be essential to recognise this behaviour for one's well-being.
What is Communal Narcissism?
Communal narcissism is a subtype of narcissistic personality disorder in which individuals gain a sense of self-worth not from personal accomplishments but from the perception that they are helpful, generous, and altruistic. A communal narcissist craves admiration, but they seek it through their “selfless” actions rather than through displays of personal success or dominance, often seen in other types of narcissism.
While communal narcissists appear to be empathetic and community-oriented, their primary motivation is to receive praise and admiration for their perceived kindness and generosity. Their focus is not on the well-being of others but on the recognition they receive for their perceived goodness. This leads to a distorted sense of self-worth based not on genuine care or connection but external validation.
Unlike grandiose narcissists, who are overtly arrogant and self-centred, communal narcissists tend to be more subtle. They often present themselves as humble and compassionate, using their “helpful” nature to manipulate others into admiration. They can be found in various settings, from the workplace to social circles. They are often seen volunteering, participating in charitable causes, or taking on roles that seem to prioritise others.
Signs of a Communal Narcissist
It can be challenging to identify a communal narcissist because their behaviours often look like those of someone who is genuinely caring. However, there are several key signs to look out for:
Exaggerated Selflessness: A communal narcissist frequently boasts about how much they give to others. While they may appear generous and caring, they often highlight their good deeds to ensure others recognise their efforts. They are more interested in being seen as selfless than in helping people.
Constant Need for Praise: Like all narcissists, communal narcissists crave admiration. They often go out of their way to ensure that others see their acts of kindness, expecting to be praised for what they have done. They may even act upset or offended if their contributions go unnoticed.
Lack of Genuine Empathy: While they might appear empathetic, a communal narcissist often lacks genuine empathy. Their actions are motivated by the desire to be praised or validated rather than by an authentic concern for others’ feelings or needs.
Manipulative Behavior: They use their "good deeds" as a tool for control. Communal narcissists may manipulate others into doing what they want by making them feel guilty or indebted for the narcissist’s self-proclaimed sacrifices.
Self-Centered Altruism: Although communal narcissists present themselves as helpers or caregivers, their actions are usually self-serving. Their care for others often comes with strings attached—they expect recognition or rewards for their “help.”
Emotional Exploitation: Communal narcissists are adept at using other people’s emotions to their advantage. They may portray themselves as the victim or the martyr to gain sympathy and attention, even when they are the ones causing harm.
Difficulty Accepting Criticism: A communal narcissist can become defensive or angry if their good deeds are questioned or criticised. They may react with self-pity or attempt to guilt-trip others into validating their actions.
How to Deal with a Communal Narcissist
Dealing with a communal narcissist can be tricky because they often use charm and kindness to manipulate others. Here are some strategies to protect yourself when dealing with a communal narcissist:
Set Boundaries: Establish clear, firm boundaries with a communal narcissist. They may attempt to guilt-trip or manipulate you into doing things for them, so it’s important to recognise when their actions are driven by self-interest and protect yourself accordingly.
Don’t Feed Their Ego: Avoid praising or validating the communal narcissist excessively. While it may seem harmless to complement their generosity, reinforcing their behaviour may make them feel more entitled to manipulate others. Instead, remain neutral and avoid overemphasising their good deeds.
Be Aware of Manipulation: Communal narcissists are skilled at making others feel guilty or indebted. Recognise when they are using their “helpful” actions to manipulate or control you and avoid falling into the trap of emotional exploitation.
Keep Emotional Distance: Because communal narcissists often lack true empathy, trying to connect with them emotionally can leave you feeling drained. Keep your emotional distance and focus on protecting your mental and emotional well-being.
Don’t Engage in Arguments: If the communal narcissist becomes defensive or aggressive when confronted, avoid engaging in arguments. They often twist the narrative to make themselves appear like the victim. Stay calm, stick to your boundaries, and avoid getting drawn into unnecessary conflicts.
Seek Support: If you’re struggling with a communal narcissist, it’s essential to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who can help you navigate the complexities of the relationship. Having a strong support system can provide validation and perspective when dealing with their manipulative behaviour.
Luxury Treatment of Communal Narcissists
Luxury treatment refers to the way communal narcissists often demand special treatment and recognition for their actions, especially in social or professional settings. While they present themselves as humble or generous, they often expect luxury in return for their "selfless" deeds. This can manifest in various ways, such as:
Expecting Special Privileges: They may insist on receiving special treatment for their supposed good deeds, such as preferential seating, exclusive access, or public acknowledgement of their contributions.
Demanding Recognition: Communal narcissists might go to great lengths to ensure they are publicly recognised for their acts of kindness. They may subtly or overtly seek out praise, making sure that everyone knows about their efforts.
Self-Promotion through Altruism: They use their acts of charity or kindness as a platform for self-promotion, presenting themselves as the epitome of generosity and selflessness. They seek the luxury of attention and admiration, not genuine connection or care for others.
Conclusion
A communal narcissist can be particularly difficult to deal with because their behaviours often appear virtuous. They manipulate others by creating an image of selflessness, but their true motivations centre on receiving admiration and validation. Recognising the signs of communal narcissism is the first step in protecting yourself from emotional manipulation. By setting boundaries, not feeding their ego, and seeking support, you can navigate relationships with communal narcissists more effectively.
Understanding the luxury treatment that communal narcissists expect and recognising their need for external validation can help you avoid falling into their trap of emotional exploitation. Whether in personal relationships or the workplace, staying vigilant and aware of their manipulative tactics is key to maintaining your well-being.
Q&As
Q1. How does communal narcissism differ from other types of narcissism?
A: While traditional narcissists focus on personal achievements, control, and admiration for their success, a communal narcissist seeks validation through their perceived selflessness and acts of kindness. They aim to be admired for helping others or being seen as compassionate. However, their goal is still self-enhancement and external validation, unlike grandiose narcissists who seek attention for their glory.
Q2. Can communal narcissists be genuinely caring?
A: While communal narcissists may engage in acts of kindness, their actions are usually motivated by the desire for praise and recognition rather than true empathy. They may appear caring, but their main goal is to receive admiration for being seen as altruistic. Their empathy is often superficial and may lack the emotional depth to form genuine, caring relationships.
Q3. What are the emotional impacts of being around a communal narcissist?
A: Being around a communal narcissist can be emotionally exhausting. They can manipulate others into feeling guilty, indebted, or constantly seeking approval. Over time, you may begin to feel used, drained, or unappreciated, as the narcissist's "help" is often conditional, and their need for validation outweighs the well-being of others. This dynamic can lead to frustration and confusion for those around them.
Q4. Can a communal narcissist change their behaviour?
A: While change is always possible, it can be difficult for a communal narcissist to alter their behaviour without significant self-awareness and professional therapy. Their deep-seated need for external validation makes recognising their actions’ impact on others challenging. However, with the right therapeutic intervention, such as counselling or therapy focused on narcissistic behaviours, some communal narcissists may learn to develop healthier relationships and more genuine empathy.
Q5. What are the long-term effects of interacting with a communal narcissist?
A: Long-term interactions with a communal narcissist can lead to emotional burnout, feelings of inadequacy, and self-doubt. Constant exposure to their manipulative behaviours can erode one’s sense of self-worth, especially if you find yourself repeatedly seeking their approval or validation. This ongoing dynamic can lead to unhealthy patterns of codependency, stress, and anxiety, making it crucial to establish boundaries and seek support when dealing with such individuals.