What to Do When Someone with PTSD Pushes You Away
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can have far-reaching effects on a person's life, especially when it comes to relationships. The emotional and psychological toll PTSD takes on an individual can also deeply affect the people closest to them. One of the most challenging aspects for partners is the withdrawal and emotional avoidance exhibited by the person suffering from PTSD. When someone with PTSD pushes you away, it can be frustrating, confusing, and hurtful. Understanding how to navigate this difficult situation and provide support is crucial for both the survivor and their partner.
In this blog, we will explore what to do when someone with PTSD pushes you away, how to cope with the symptoms of PTSD, and effective strategies to rebuild emotional connections in your relationship.
Understanding PTSD and Its Impact on Relationships
Before diving into solutions, it's important to understand what PTSD is and how it affects individuals and their relationships. PTSD is a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. Common symptoms of PTSD include:
Intrusive memories: Flashbacks, nightmares, or unwanted memories related to the trauma.
Emotional numbness: Feeling detached from others, losing interest in activities, or avoiding emotional connections.
Hyperarousal: Heightened anxiety, irritability, or a constant sense of being on edge.
Avoidance: Steering clear of people, places, or activities that remind the individual of the trauma.
These symptoms can severely impact relationships, often making it difficult for the trauma survivor to maintain emotional closeness, communicate effectively, or feel safe in their relationships.
Why PTSD Survivors Push People Away
When someone with PTSD pushes you away, it’s not necessarily a reflection of how they feel about you—it’s a coping mechanism. Emotional avoidance is one of the hallmark symptoms of PTSD. The individual may feel overwhelmed by their emotions or fears that their trauma will negatively affect others, leading them to shut down or distance themselves from loved ones. It’s also possible that they might fear being vulnerable or being judged.
In addition to emotional avoidance, PTSD can cause irritability, anger, or extreme anxiety, which may cause the person to react in ways that seem aggressive or defensive. These reactions can be misunderstood by the unaffected partner, leading to further isolation and strain in the relationship.
Coping with PTSD: What You Can Do
If you’re in a relationship with someone suffering from PTSD, it’s essential to approach the situation with patience, empathy, and understanding. Here are several strategies that can help:
Educate Yourself About PTSD
One of the most important steps in coping with PTSD is understanding the condition. Learning about the symptoms of PTSD and how they manifest can help you make sense of your partner's behaviour and reactions. Being informed allows you to respond to their needs more effectively and offer better emotional support.
You might also want to explore cognitive-behavioural therapies (CBT) or cognitive processing therapy (CPT), which can be beneficial for both the individual with PTSD and their partner. This can help both parties learn how to handle stressors and triggers in healthier ways.
Be Patient and Allow Space for Healing
When someone with PTSD pushes you away, your first instinct may be to give chase and try to bring them back into the fold. However, it’s essential to respect their need for space. Pushing them to talk or interact when they’re not ready can make them feel overwhelmed and more distant.
Instead, practice patience and give your partner the time they need to process their emotions. Emotional recovery from trauma is not linear, and it’s important to allow them the space to heal at their own pace.
Offer Support Without Pressure
While it’s important to let your partner know you are there for them, avoid pressuring them into engaging when they are not ready. Instead of trying to "fix" the situation or asking them to open up about their trauma, try saying things like, “I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk,” or “I support you no matter what.” This communicates a sense of security without imposing on their emotional boundaries.
Encourage Professional Help
While your emotional support is invaluable, PTSD often requires professional treatment. Encouraging your partner to seek therapy is essential for their long-term recovery. There are various therapies available, such as Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR), Prolonged Exposure Therapy, and Cognitive Processing Therapy, that have proven effective for trauma survivors. If they are resistant to seeking help, you might suggest attending therapy together as a couple.
Create a Safe and Calming Environment
People with PTSD often feel unsafe or out of control. You can help by creating a peaceful, stable environment where your partner feels secure. This could mean minimising stressors, offering reassurance, or engaging in calming activities such as deep breathing exercises or meditation together.
Key Communication Tips for Dealing with PTSD in Relationships
Listen Without Judgment: When your partner is ready to talk, be an active listener. Avoid offering solutions unless they ask for them, and focus on validating their emotions. Sometimes, all a person with PTSD needs is to feel heard and understood.
Respect Boundaries: Boundaries are crucial in any relationship, but they become even more significant when dealing with PTSD. Your partner may need time alone, or they may not feel comfortable with certain types of physical or emotional closeness. Respect their boundaries and let them define what they need from you in those moments.
Practice Self-Care: As the partner of someone dealing with PTSD, it’s easy to neglect your own emotional well-being. However, self-care is essential for you to remain strong and be there for your partner. Make sure you’re getting the support you need, whether it’s through therapy, talking to friends and family, or pursuing activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
Conclusion
Being in a relationship with someone suffering from PTSD can be incredibly challenging. Coping with PTSD requires understanding, patience, and a willingness to learn. If you’re wondering what to do when someone with PTSD pushes you away, it’s essential to respect their emotional boundaries while providing consistent support. With the right strategies, professional help, and mutual effort, it’s possible to rebuild your emotional connection and strengthen your relationship. Remember, healing takes time, but it’s entirely possible to regain the love, trust, and closeness that you once shared.
Q&A
Q1: How do I know if my partner is pushing me away because of PTSD?
PTSD can cause a person to pull away from relationships due to feelings of emotional numbness, anxiety, or fear of burdening others with their trauma. If your partner has been through a traumatic event and is exhibiting signs such as detachment, irritability, avoidance of intimacy, or heightened sensitivity, these may be signs of PTSD. It’s important to approach them with understanding and support without taking their actions personally.
Q2: How can I help my partner without enabling unhealthy behaviours?
Supporting a partner with PTSD means balancing empathy with encouraging healthier behaviours. You can help by gently encouraging therapy, offering emotional support without taking on the role of a therapist, and respecting their boundaries. It's essential not to let their symptoms control the relationship and to set boundaries that preserve your mental health as well.
Q3: What should I do if my partner's PTSD is causing emotional abuse?
If your partner’s PTSD symptoms lead to emotional or physical abuse, it’s important to prioritise your safety. While PTSD may explain some behaviours, it does not justify abuse. Encourage your partner to seek professional help, but also take steps to protect yourself, including seeking support from a therapist or domestic violence organisation if needed.
Q4: Can PTSD go away on its own, or is therapy necessary?
While some individuals may experience a decrease in symptoms over time, PTSD typically does not resolve on its own without intervention. Therapy is often necessary to help individuals process their trauma and develop healthy coping mechanisms. There are various evidence-based treatments, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and EMDR, that can significantly reduce PTSD symptoms and help individuals lead fulfilling lives.
Q5: What role does trust play in recovering from PTSD in relationships?
Trust is crucial in any relationship, and it becomes even more important when dealing with PTSD. Trauma survivors may struggle with trust due to the betrayal or harm they experienced. Rebuilding trust takes time and requires open communication, respect for boundaries, and demonstrating consistent support. It’s important to be patient and recognise that rebuilding trust is a gradual process that both partners must work on together.